demanding of conviction, not condemnation.

Yes, I'm easily confused and less easily convicted. I find myself falling into the same traps time and time again. Perhaps I'm easily influenced or just naive. Either way, it's not unusual for me to be in a situation I shouldn't, wondering what the heck went awry. If I'm honest with myself, I know what I'm doing wrong.  I'm aware of my mistakes, but I allow myself to get in over my head. And often, I leave myself no way out. When was the last time you stopped mid-track, confronted by your waywardness, and did an about face?

I had just such an incident this past week. I was lecturing one of my boys about his laziness and inability to focus at the homeschool table. He had been turning in incomplete and illegible work for days, and I had reached the limit of my patience. He listened, nodded in agreement, and promised to put more effort in. Then he asked why mom's didn't have to follow the same rules. OUCH. Honestly, I hadn't even realized how lazy my approach to school had become. Or how my attitude about grading had slipped to the point that my eldest asked why I didn't check his work anymore. Truthfully, it had only be going on since we moved in March, but still, they noticed. Boy, that was enough for me to stop in my tracks and demand a turn-around.

My children are really quick to call my attention to my mistakes. Sometimes it's like they are following my every move. I think they are waiting so they can  proclaim loudly to all within earshot that they have further proof their mother is, in fact, not perfect. If only they were as convicted about the state of their bedrooms, or obvious lack of attention to personal hygiene. But, I believe God gave me them to keep me accountable. Since I am so easily deterred, and apparently unable to make appropriate decisions on my own, God saw fit to give me five whistle blowers.

Sin is so pervasive. Satan thrives within our confusion. He delights in our faltering. He lives in our lack of conviction. He's opportunistic and clever, always waiting in the shadows for us to turn his direction. He whispers and creeps, slinks and seduces. At the same time, I am a Christian. I should be able to function, think, act and speak as a Christian. How do I avoid the same mistake twice? Fifteen times?

Condemnation comes from Satan, it's his attempt to tear you down. Condemnation points out failure and shortcomings. It highlights problems but offers no solution. Satan's hold grows when Gods' beloved believe they are lost in their sin, to far gone to be saved. But God tells us in Romans 8:1, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Satan feeds on our shame, often causing us to fear judgement and feel unworthy. But Jesus says in John 12:47 "I came not to judge the world, but to save the world."

Conviction comes from Godly sorrow that leads to repentance (Romans 2:4) While condemnation calls attention to my failures, conviction calls me to restore my relationship with Christ, and the promise of forgiveness. 1 John 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins, and purify us from all unrighteousness." Conviction reminds me that Jesus' blood washes my sin away, making me whiter than snow.

Life in Christ truly is demanding of my conviction.

Lord,
Bring me into the fold of your love, protection and forgiveness. I know I cannot navigate the mass of confusion and condemnation that is my earthy world without your conviction. Lead me to a place where I can hear your words, allowing them to be imprinted on my very soul, absorbing my all wholly in you.

Amen

.....full of blessings.

Full. Yes, my life is full. Full of chores, errands, homeschool and housekeeping. Its also full of blessings too numerous to count. Today, I am thankful for my five children, who also seem too numerous to count, on occasion. I'm thankful for the noise they make. It reminds me that life would be silent without them. I'm thankful for the mess they leave in their wake. It forces me to recognize my fondness for their carefree days. I'm thankful for the space they leave in the fridge at the end of the day. It fills me with compassion for those that go without. But what I'm most thankful for is the faith they each possess. Watching each of them grow and mature in their faith is humbling and awesome. Sometimes I feel like the time I spend pouring into them during the day is lost in the great abyss of living. And then, one will pull me aside to tell me something they learned about Christ, or leave a note under my pillow asking me to pray specifically for a need. It usually happens when I hit a low. When I've had a bad day or feel overwhelmed, God must look down on me, and with his loving gentle nature, gift me with a reminder of what I am missing when I wallow. 

Psalm 127:3 says "Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, they are a reward from Him."

Don't miss the blessing......

Challenging.

I've heard it said may times that anything worth doing is worth doing well.
I couldn't agree more. That's why I am choosing to spend a whole lot of time on myself this weekend. And I'm gonna do it well.
Selfish? perhaps..... Gratifying? of course.....Egotistical? Now wait a minute.....

Life is Challenging. There are very few who would disagree. In fact, I think you would be pretty hard pressed to find someone who thinks everything is a breeze. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the "things" that challenge us. It may be that unfinished house project that hangs over your head every weekend. You know the one I'm talking about. That ugly, half done bit of "upgrading" you convinced yourself (and your family) you could take on yourself. And then it got challenging. And that was 4 months ago.

Perhaps it's the people that challenge us, namely our children. They aren't toddlers anymore, so the kicking and screaming fits are not just louder, they are way more destructive. Those rules that you challenged yourself to uphold? Whoa, kids are all over those in a heartbeat. They are the masters of distracting for their own advantage. Soon, you've forgotten what you were thinking when you trusted them to follow through without that wet noodle beating you threatened. And that was 3 weeks back.

So back to me.....Yes, I plan on pouring into myself for the next 2 1/2 days. I ushered in 2012 married, and I choose to leave it single. I began 2012 with 7 children and will probably end it with 5 (I'll embellish on this another day). I started 2012 in a home I owned, and I am now embracing my rented abode. I chose the first, lost out on the second and make my peace in the third. But ultimately, I am not alone. I am not abandoned. I am not without my everlasting home.

What's my witness?
I hope you read and understand why I have hope for rest, refueling and refilling.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will fine rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30