Gosh, I am not usually one to openly complain, but I am running on empty and fighting an uphill battle this month. Sometimes I read those uplifting, silly cartoons others post on Facebook and laugh. Lately, I am finding myself struggling with the urge to de-friend these happy people. I know I am a happy person, really I am. Deep down somewhere I can't seem to tap right now, I am joyful. I am someone who loves to play games or pranks. Someone who loves to go on hikes and explore. Someone who loves to be out spending time with friends. I think my five kids are the neatest human beings alive and I can't get enough of them. So what's up with the grouch I've become? Who the heck is she? Do you know?
Maybe it has to do with the severe lack of sleep. Or trust misplaced. Or friends who disappoint. Divorce? Probably. Financial instability? Defiantly. Fear of failure? Absolutely. How many of us fall into the same sad pity party every now and then? I'd hate to actually know, but I'm sure the number would be shockingly high. How do I start crawling back from the edge of despair? How do I catch myself mid-fall? To whom do I turn? Where does my hope come from?
I love the Psalms. They are like music, rhythmic and paced. There is something soothing in David's songs, something that draws my heart to the great Father I have. Like the sound of rain falling on a roof or crickets singing in the dark, providing peace and grounding that I so desperately need. David also suffered with doubts and perhaps even depression. Many of his great Psalms are examples of his struggles against the sin and spiritual pervasion of this world, and his role in it. From Psalm 51, his open raw repentance prayer to Psalm 145, his uplifting prayer of praise, David never hid his emotions. He was real before his Father God. Did he make mistakes? Did he have regrets? Did he ever feel deep dark separation from his maker? How easy it would be for me to forget that God already knows what I am struggling with. To try and put up walls, pray half heartedly, hide my hurts behind words and just get through the day.
So what does God promise me? David had it right in Psalm 121 when he said God is our help, our keeper and our protector from evil. David would know. God was there with him in the deep dark pit of sin he created for himself and there with him when he became the king God created him to be. If God can be with David, God can be with me. Psalm 55:22 reads "Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you." I need to be sustained right about now. My God, the one who loves and created me, will not leave me in my time of need. Even in the place I feel I am now, off the path and wandering, I can turn and find Him right there, watching over me. I can find strength, peace and direction if I stay in His word and will.
Today, this will be my prayer.....
Lord, You are the alpha and omega, the truth and the life. You watch over me when I sleep and when I am awake. You know the very nature of my soul and delight in your creation. I am constantly falling short of your hopes and desires for me. I know that my sin causes you to grieve and cry out my name. I acknowledge that my willfulness and selfishness draw me further away from the safety of your arms. Please, Lord God, allow me to cling to your promises and grip the truth of your words. Grant me the grace, understanding and motivation to turn my back on evil and walk forward into a life with purpose. Forgive my disobedience and fill me with a heart that yearns to look more like your perfect Son. Mark my days with intentional praise, fill my soul with songs of adoration and lift my spirit to enjoy your everlasting gift of faith.
Amen
No comments:
Post a Comment